and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
