Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
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