She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
