I wish my penis had an off switch
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
