You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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