Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
