Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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