I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
he puts the penis in happiness.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
