your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
