What did we do last night that was yellow?
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
