My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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