so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
