Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
