The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
