Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
