soooo we both peed the bed last night...
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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