I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
