I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i think my mom watched the whole time
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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