god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
