if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
