Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
