Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
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