sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
