apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
