Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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