Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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