Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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