I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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