ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
