Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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