I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
