I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
