I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
whose parrot is this?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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