i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
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