But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
