guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Life is so much better after having sex.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Randomize
