keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
