a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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