Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
