soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
