I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
