You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Randomize
