Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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