i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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