TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
