we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
