how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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