you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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