I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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