she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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