i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Randomize
