She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Randomize
