Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Randomize
