i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Text me some of your sweat
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
